It’s going to take a village to kill comedy

I’m a comedian. Or at least I was in March of 2020. After a decade of dealing with some undiagnosed health issues (mental and physical) at the beginning of last year, I re-committed to the craft of it all. I did a cross country tour, I printed up mailing lists and merch signs. I didn’t anxiously half ass it. I bought a new, reliable vehicle to cement my commitment to myself, and touring. I stopped producing other people. This was my crutch. Get so bogged down in the logistics and the planning of wrangling others to avoid the work of the writing. Fucking magic. I founded Dykes of Hazard in 2006, Loosen the Bible Belt ( a variety tour featuring comedians. musicians and Pastor Jay Bakker, son of Jim and Tammy Faye) in 2015. In 2020, I vowed I would focus on my own career. I would believe in myself. If you live on this planet, you probably know what happened next.

All of this is to say, I had a stake in the idea that comedy wasn’t going to make it. I heard “cancel culture” was gonna kill comedy. Or maybe it was that the Trump administration was so ridiculous that writing satire of that shit show was impossible. Or was it the pandemic?

There have been many opportunities to kill comedy. At this point, I wish it would hurry up and die. Not the act of making people laugh, that will never expire. That is organic to humanity. Laughter is a spontaneous response coaxed out of you. That is the essence of comedy. A comedian catches you off guard by a concept and your body responds with chemical feel goods and weird noises. We have been laughing as long as we have been crying. Comedy as a human expression and coping tool will not die. It shifts, based on time and place, but it can’t be killed. The club industry however, might be in its death rattle stage, and I couldn’t be happier.

I don’t work in comedy clubs. I wanted to work the one I helped bring to my hometown, but that was more about hometown ego than comedy clubs. This leaves me open to the “disgruntled dyke” trope, but you can fuck right off with that. That is the joy of being over 40 and wanting nothing from an establishment that has blindly followed capitalism, to the detriment of the artists that keep the lights on. This is about wanting to see things get better for people I love. Lucky for me, the aforementioned producing cements my commitment to doing work for the betterment of the whole, not only myself. If you want to know how much the not-so-famous feature (my friends) is valued at comedy clubs, look at the pandemic response. I saw a ton of virtual fundraisers for club waitstaff (likely the same staff the owner got a PPP loan to keep on payroll) but what about the comedians? Oh right, they don’t deliver your $15 Steve Martini.

Thank goodness for “Comedy Gives Back”, which jumped in and immediately got some funds into the hands of working comics. But that was Hollywood, I can’t speak to that industry, because I don’t know it (unless you wanna talk about the queer elite policing comedians speech while they literally go to bed with racist women beaters IRL, but that is another story for another day) I’m talking about the comedy that lives and breathes in your neighborhood. If you are a comedian or a fan of comedy, you SHOULD want the current structure to be reborn. Like everything else in American society, the comedy club industry was built in the same racist, misogynistic, capitalist world that formed our country. Quite frankly, we’d all be better off if it needed to re-evaluate its priorities.

Working comics can’t pay bills on what they make working a weekend at a club. Bartenders make more in a weekend than the feature and likely twice as much as the emcee. That’s if you get hired. Statistically, only about 50 headlining comics will be “household names” and they will work the clubs for 10–15 years or so. They are also overwhelmingly, white men. Listen, I’m not a participation trophy kind of human. I’m not saying that every person should get the work. I’m saying that the reboot of the club industry should come with some reminders about whose job it is to sell tickets. As it stands, being hilarious isn’t enough. Audiences miss out on hilarious well honed stage acts that don’t give a shit about their Facebook followers. Imagine an athlete that works his ass off to get into the NFL as a walk on, but before he makes the team, they wanna be sure he is a “draw”. Experienced stage performers get replaced with YouTube celebrities. Nothing against YouTube celebrities, but working a room full of drunk people that you can actually hear call you a fat fuck, is an entirely different skillset.

Just like in every other industry, more work gets heaved onto the middle man, while the boss counts his money. That needs to die, in comedy as it does everywhere, but it will take a village. When I was a GM, I was told the club owner was “legally responsible to make the most profit for investors”. In short, the only way things change is if the club makes more money by treating comics well. (a free chicken finger basket isn’t treating anyone well, please trust me on this). Humanity is in a collective awakening regarding worker’s rights, inequality and diversity. Now is the time to work together to make a change.

The audience can demand diversity in the lineups. The club already gets your email address when you buy the tickets, so go ahead and fill out the comment card. Shit, send them an email now. Ask them what the plan is when we are on the other side of this pandemic? Ask why the lineup is the same every year. Ask why there are five shows with the same person, if they have to paper three of the shows ( it’s cheaper for clubs ) Ask if the feature was given a place to sleep other than the emcee’s couch. I find this particular trend in clubs the most disturbing, and any sane human should. People talk about the dark side of comedians. You’d be fucking grumpy too if you spent 5–8 years getting good at your job only to get hired and told you needed to sleep on some other dudes fart cushion.

Veterans of the stage, you can say no. You can. I promise. I know you don’t want to. Being liked is what we are best at. But you just made it a whole year. Comedians, newer ones especially, THIS is your moment. There are probably only about 15 of you that work as regular features at your local club. Just hold out. Ask your friends to send an email. You have no problem promoting the show and asking them to buy two overpriced beers and nachos, try promoting your own self interest. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask people who love you to take five minutes to help your cause, not the clubs. Send one email out to your network and ask them to hold clubs accountable to living wages. Maybe you think if you stick your nose up the GM’s ass and do all the bidding and the shit work, that it will pay off. Statistically, it won’t. No matter how funny you are. The machine isn’t built that way. Time for a new machine. As comics start to go back to work, I imagine the clubs will use the pandemic as an excuse for why there can be no raises. Don’t fall for it. They had decades of flatlined wages. If they can’t afford to run a club that offers even a hint of a fair wage to the performers, they shouldn’t be in business.

The rise in gig work has only proven to embolden their stance of paying as little as possible since “you can uber while you’re in town” Fuck that. Comedians, in case you don’t know, let me tell you:

YOU DESERVE BETTER, YOU INSIGHTFUL, CYNICAL ASSHOLE, YOU.

It’s not a pipe dream. There has been some progress. Stanhope was an early adopter of skipping the club bullshit and Andrew Shultz recently slayed with a self produced special. There are comics like David Rodriguez opening clubs like Fort Comedy in Colorado. This gives me hope. Now the behemoths of the club industry need to evolve or die.

The comic/audience relationship, when done right, is symbiotic as fuck. Magic happens when the two are in sync. Let’s use that for good. Here’s to a future where together we have extinguished the antiquated systems that have only served a minority of people and work towards a more equitable and hilarious new world, for all of us.